everything is not nearly enough for joy, not enough for a full breakdown.

in limbo.

there are no woo-hoo’s or yay’s but there aren’t tears as well. Numbness is an awful side effect of being alive in a reality that feels… absolutely crazy.

i feel like retiring from “this” world (capitalistic) but I’m too deep in it already. I couldn’t handle that. My health would not allow that anyway…

i’m up for adoption - an elder couple living in the middle of nowhere in the south of France or in the mountains of Scotland… I’d be able to help around and have a ceiling and food. That’s all I need. That’s all I want.

as soon as I step outside I get overwhelmed - noises, colours, movements, people, animals, cars - TOO MUCH. I try to shrink my body (hence natural bad posture) to be as invisible as possible… I try to find good hearts and calm people with whom I can feel at home with.

it’s very difficult though… most people, 99.9% cannot be home… they can be fun, friendly and nice but that’s about it.

i miss “home”. I can’t be without one. I can’t find one.

will someone bring me home please?