berry berry vel

not really.

although spacing out can forever be a consequence or a need - one can’t tell.

the thoughts are thick, dried mud with blood from biological matter that flows and sticks around, no fault of mine.

hazy reality. Disheveled. Continuous with a dash of complete haults! Nevermind logic or reasoning as those have flown away to somewhere never disclosed. They will return. Perhaps not completely, just entertaining the idea of “knowledge” enough to keep one grounded - day dreaming as a possibility, not mandatory.

i collect them. Here and there. Whenever I find space to fly through the blood and the mud - I let myself stay as fighting the barrier can only lead to pain (of all kinds).

seeing and feeling ahead of time becomes a pleasure that no one else will never understand - they’re laser eyes cannot read from the barrier I self-imposed or/and grows as a flower during the marvellous spring on a high mountain where all the beautiful greens feed nature and caress it.

i am looking forward for the help I can get. Lucky me! I’m aware. Very much aware. That fact is never lost on me and when I use it for my personal gain there is a sense of inherent guilt that I cannot shake off… I can only accept it with open arms and welcome it regardless of any less-than-pleasurable notions of what is right or wrong. As if these even exist!

such dark-aged concepts make me curious… why? Now? Haven’t we surpassed them?

who’s to say such? Who’s to compare and decide, on a life-changing moment, if it is one or the other? It is dependent on the light that is the source of the prism - one that floats on its own volition, nothing we can really do about it… except pretend they are useful.

the harm they create are immeasurable and, with my luck (and lack of it, also) at least I can observe it from afar. All of it. The entirety of the subject and the object. Wondering and wandering about, a child absorbing sources of understandings no one can ever explain.

and so I do.

and I do.

and I do.

and while doing can create harm, I do - as I must be aware of the consequences, receive them, adopt them and let them be part of who I am and who I want to be.

because many pieces of your puzzle come are exogenous to you. To any of us. If we fight them, we become incomplete, blind, unaware.

it can be a choice… coming from nurture and/or nature.

choose wisely. Or, at least, try to.