thrown back and around
by my own choices... I was stupid enough to look for it. Then I got it. I was OK. But the problem started when it didn't fall from the sky. I got it. Too much of it. I don't want it. I'm good at it but I have to use my hands, my skin, my gestures. I won't use yours. I can't.
take it, it's free. You might like it, love it even! I don't want it anymore. Can you make me sleep well again? Eat? Drink? Be human?
too much too soon. Not for me. Knowing that I push back gently, I really let the mask down - Nope, I won't. Nope, you lied. Nope, you're unprofessional. Nope, you are not nice. In fact, it blows my mind that anyone could think that - who are they? I want to know. I'm curious. Why do I even spend time listening? Doing is just fine, leave me alone to it. You don't get it, as much as you say you do. You think creativity is something that you can switch on and off how many times needed per week, day, hour, minute... that every moment you feel lonely is for me to solve. Let me go and I'll do the stuff, I really like it. I don't like the part of the hills. I don't like hills in the wild, they seem infinite and I lose my strength before I start walking.
i don't notice days go by. I can focus now. A bit too much, perhaps. On the pendulum, between laziness, comfort and joy and overworking, focused on things that are on the fringe until I remember "Huh... I can't be doing this". But that's the way I do it.
no, I can't have it "it's good enough, stop now". If I'm the one doing it, it has to be up to my standards. I could loosen them up... I've been trying since forever. Don't bother me with going back and forth on ideas and results I created. I won't. I won't run on your hill. I'll say "see you there" and I'll go the opposite way.
anyhoo,
i need one of those nights that won't be repeated ever again. With certain food and snacks, a certain couple of drinks, a certain few guys, a certain cool place that is no more... and there this one [song] kept repeating and I never found a place with such a good music selection every.single.time.
where are you? Can we go play snooker and get tipsy walking to the bar where I already had my place kinda set for every weekend? Can we go back and go try cheeses that I hated just because I was always in the minority? Or go for a long walk after too many drinks and see the sunrise and have someone calling me Aristocat?
at least the sound gets me there. That's what sounds are for.
