"I, ___, take you, ___, for my lawful wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until (insert option)"

Option 3 

"... your vagina gets wayyyy too loose for me. I don't care what you've been up to - I just want that pussy tight for me. K'? 'Cause, like, I won't have no loose bitch in MY bed. So you better Kegel up and pee with your legs closed because I won't be having one more day of common life with you as soon as my John has enough space to invite some friends over. 'Til your vagina *manic look* do us part."