snapshot in time

of a place that feels cold like the other spectrum of hell

in frigid hands that have forgotten how to work. Shiny clouds of breath to confirm you’re alive - still standing (not against what you wished for two and a half nights ago), darker matt clouds in your brain making all the inner workings of it visible like lightning bolts through dense tropical storms.

ZAP!

in that moment you believe you no longer know. More than believe - you know that you really don’t. Except you might… you just might. Knowing is another temptation from the senses, perception, would you agree? Mind you - you don’t have to. I just kindly ask that you would explain it further for I am lost myself in all of this… Knowing is not feeling, it is also not believing - the same way hoping doesn’t work in knowledge.

(right?)

but when you do know you actually don’t anymore - what belief, what thought, what kind of brain mechanism can convince you otherwise? How can you clear out the dark thick clouds that stick like tar on the veiny walls of the cerebral matter? Is there a as-seen-on-TV cleaner I’m unaware of? What is the trick? Waiting? Can’t be…

(right?)

The thickness of the damned knowledge (which should not be one at all) - the staying power that only love and compassion could use in a beautiful pattern of recognition - I want to scrape it without damage…

(right?)

is there a perfect cloud, though? Not knowing, perhaps. Between believing/thinking and knowing - on a 8.75 on a scale from 0 to 10 (knowing). 1.25 should be enough space to manage a special tool (hope?) and scrape it all off, ever so slowly. Hours, days, weeks, months… it doesn’t really matter, does it? As while it’s there there’s no life at all. Existence? Sure. Not more than that.

foggy eyeglasses replicate the knowing. It’s foggy, unclear, unrehearsed and still.

and still I try to stay.

how do you do it? Scrape it off I mean? Throw me a hint, the smallest of gestures is welcomed with open arms - and frigid hands…

Previous
Previous

apophenia

Next
Next

just the sun this once