like the blossom of an ugly flower

it still exists - you don’t want to see it.

buried deep in memory and the now,
regretting the past and worrying about the future -

• where is now?

despair, I run after you and a bunch of people keep walking between us. I can’t reach you. You hug me and slide from my arms like quicksand - the same one in which I still stand, ever so slowly disappearing… inch by inch, terribly frozen in muted limbs.

it is pure fear, confusion, terror. Survival is hypothetical and each atom is working against all others - there’s a fight going on and it’s bloody, tearful, painful.

one feels like disappearing - if not forever, at least until reality is back again.

reality… how I miss you. Desperately. I want to grab you with my hands and mold you to a small token I can swallow. Let reality live inside me, please, if you may.

everything is a million miles away from my extended arms, which are already half-covered in sand. And I feel nothing except a bit of everything. And it’s all too much and not enough at the same time…

this veil, this damn black dog or whatever the metaphor was - are you kidding me? I cannot have it again. I don’t want it, I’m fighting, kicking even if I can’t move.

i wish. I wish a lot. Every single second I wish. That reality comes back and covers me like a weightless satin sheet in the wind… that I can feel it on my skin, with my eyes closed while they still can see through the other senses…

i wish you reality… I wish you.

come to me as I am losing you, please walk towards me. You can come slowly but please come… let me know with each step - a thunderous one, that lets me know you’re on your way.

find me, please.

please find me…