not made

for this world.

days like these happen. I know I’ll get out of this bit of darkness but for now I’ll let myself relax on it…

it all feels too foreign... certain moments, certain people are my world. Everything else is… complete madness! There is no denying. “We’re all mad in here”.

and I look at myself for self-reassurance - I became quite good at it after not being able to do so at all - and there is physical pain and twitches and fevers and flu symptoms and dizziness and fatigue and mental fog and (etc infinite) that won’t stop and… I get disappointed!! Although I’ve fought and won battles many were lost to… I still feel it’s not enough. That I also have to win this one, knowing I can’t…

i take a deep breath and remember to not freeze. I take a deep breath and I taste something lovely. I take a deep breath and I feel wind on my face. I take a deep breath and I try to sleep. I take a deep breath and I love. I take a deep breath and feel assured. I take a deep breath but the chest hurts and it makes me upset…