it starts today…

i try, I very much do. I jump back if needed but continue.

like a dandelion in strong winds, losing one or two pappus whenever a swift breeze comes full force.

—————

i have understood, in its complete form. All around it has been shaven, the thinnest of slices of a lifetime in layers.

a bit more here, a bit more there… a break. Going back and having grown - grab the shiny pristine scalpel, throw away the older one (it got rusty during said break) and go at it again. A bit here, a bit there. A break… and it takes shape, the shape you didn’t know you had. It becomes familiar. Recognisable, at least.

and you shave… sand it when needed, when doubt stops you from the certainty of a cut and prefers a slight motion that will not risk the whole thing at all… it takes away the waste.

keep in mind:

life is a lot easier when you live knowing that being an individual is actually teamwork

you find yourself craving. wanting. needing. And that is OK. That is the future knocking at the door, the hopes, desires and dreams manifesting as necessities, in all the ways they can present themselves.

other days, hopes and desires flow with the blood in your brain and impregnate it with

IMPORTANCE. URGENCY.

one is able to sit. To ponder. To wonder.

BUT IT IS VERY IMPORTANT. TOO URGENT!!

the heart beats faster - I’m feeling weak -

IMPORTANT!! WOOOO!! FORGET ANYTHING ELSE!

-— and slowly you lose all the conscious ability to reason with your shadow…

MY VERY EXISTENCE WILL SWALLOW YOU UP AS I BECOME STRONGER!

Ok, alright, take it easy… take me then.

the eyes close. spaced out. weightlessness. the sensation of two hearts instead of one - a miniature version between two ribs. i’m sure of it - it’s an extra one.

it washes you over like a dangerously high wave you saw approaching with the gentleness of a still water lake… submerged up in the air…