of numb and dumb

I prevail (I’d like to think) - not less numb and dumb but aware.

i dream of toasty sun, making my skin crackle.

i dream of being the real me, the one who is not outside of this reality, watching it unfold with no control over what is happening or how… it’s not a nice reality to be this way.

it’s far removed from what I know - the hands reach out for things I don’t want to do, my eyes are peeled in colours I’d never seen before, my ears detect sounds I never paid attention to. Too far removed, too far gone, too… too…

let us be in isolation and condemnation for the realities we don’t seem fit to exist in.

let us stay in co-mmiseration with ourselves, our doubles and repeats - the ones at night and during the day, including sun set and rise.

let us be in figuring it out…

life is harder than all of the previous hardships we’ve been through and it still plagues us that pain can be so intense, time after time, low after low.