sa.tis.fac.tion

i can get some. When I don't look for it.

it becomes clearer, more defined, brighter. Even when all senses and memories and probabilities based on history point to the same position - you end up not there. The spectrum of visible light seems to enlarge, as if it's your very own, horizons expanding in a 360 view that defies your capacity to withstand what you think it's real, the sky and the sea turning around without you falling through the clouds... water is not murky any longer. That deep fear of a lifetime, gone with the inversion of the horizon.

seeing what is not yet fully known by humans - the depth becomes altitude, blinding darkness is now over my head while I rest in a grey dotted pattern of a cloud. Then, maybe - only maybe! - gravity would allow us to ascend. Falling is too boring. Spending a lifetime being pulled down takes its toll. Can the world be biased?

_________

understanding. It says something about me or any other human that, when faced with clarity and logic that were always there and went unnoticed, it takes a while to digest it... it's a fun process of accepting what has always been and what will always be.

i guess it has more to do with hindsight. Mine is not 20/20 yet good enough to explore the visuals that make up my row of slides that I keep rewatching in my head.
ok,

you know. And... what to do? You know. Worse even!! You *understand*, it makes sense, it all fits like the tightest of puzzle pieces without too much effort. I'm left with fewer questions, yet I don't know what it'll feel like to fight the urge for them. I don't want them, that's all I know. I don't want to lose that glint in the eyes about my easy enchantment with the small things.

this awareness pours wate all over you on the inversed horizon, covering your ears and making everything real a bit more... believable.

who knows... those pesky, annoying, hellish circles of wondering how come we can deem anything "real" if it's all perception. Or... is it? It depends on the thinking wagon. Maybe that's enough? I would hope so.

let's not be devil's advocate for once.

running away or purposefully distracting ourselves from the only thing that is real is plain stupid.

and that is just called love.