here we are
____________________
no. The summer is not over and why would anyone insist on converting me to that idea?
while movement is mandatory and not chosen (let me not go into further explanation, I repeat to myself // learning to keep my thoughts in a leash) ----- wait is it raining?! Ran to check it's not it was a similar sound ---- I feel little while it keeps me in motion... but I know it's fake. Probably feeling a bit too much and automatically putting the fire out through the breeze of my body, running from X to H to A to K to J to R to another random place/sound/situation/emotion/colour.
it's included you see? Secluded! IN-cluded. In me. Around my what-some-people-call-aura. Pushing me into believing that the phaneron is the whole truth and even then, it's imagined and created IN-me... fearful of falling in it as an absolute - it would kill me. [read more]
Category: things I should not be thinking about when I open my eyes in the morning and letting the coffee go cold because of it...
can we have *the* truth? No. Our truth? Yes... Acknowledging that it is just perception. For now, I accept it all as sensorial and reactive. I have to. Longing for the moment in which that facade I created for myself can fall to the ground and dissolve into nothingness... and then I shall be all I am. Love. And all its polar opposites.
my sanity held by an invisible string - not of hope nor optimism, but out of primal survival instincts. I see the string and I thank it... I touch my skin and what a wonder it all is. What keeps us alive? Even further - what keeps us caring and loving despite the sorrow?
"we're almost there" is not something parents tell their kids for nothing. It's the internal talk, the pat on the back we give ourselves every single day, minus those that feel perfect - the ones that make life worth living. Some call it destiny, but it should be in plural. I call them... perfect days. Nothing but affection.
whenever that moment happens, it will explode with raw emotions and commotions, those we tend to hide away and pretend we're above it. We are all pathological liars!
until then...
i'll do not my best but my necessary.
passion slightly nudging me forward in spikes trying to touch me through this inflated layer of fear and loneliness.
"here we are..." is the moment.
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