few are the things that I'll never get over. I'm very aware of this "list".

and some of those are just as surprising and shocking now as they were when they happened.

probably even more shocking now, having the hindsight of lesser chaos.

how or why I managed to stay calm and look some people in the eye (to this day) is still a mystery to me.

i'm patting myself on the back and saying "well done" now but I kinda regret that I didn't react right then and there?...

it's pretty crazy how our bodies deal with shock. It stays in its physicality more than in its consciousness. We all must be very fucked up from loads of these few ones that we're still confused about.

yeah.

that's just it. I'm sleepy but warm and cosy - is there a better way to be? Yes, there is. Being warm and cosy and not in a "how the f..."-jaw-dropping confusion. Alas, here we are.

so very merry.