a fresh review
haven't really processed a lot these days. Forced to doing - not paying attention to my own needs and obvious frailty that sometimes falls from stairs and takes me to the floor I'll be hanging around for the next couple of years.
shall we exercise our free will, knowing it is not real? yes!
ON THE ART OF NOT FORGIVING
too much weight and importance on forgiveness around. I am not one for revenge. I'm one analysing the extent of any forgiveness I shall offer. Yes, it can be a rational process - and it should, when life is this way.
if it's not an even playfield, forgiveness falls down to the side where the player had some advantage and they decide what they can do with it - make it better, let it be, or no care at all. Fair play to all, but the weight is never on the other side.
i forgive. No doubt. More often than not. But let us have a look at the same scenario with two possible outcomes — ask yourself in a depth that is usually uncomfortable how much logic should apply to these emotions...
(5) ----- (5)
she always wanted to be an astronaut. She never had the chance, and she knew it from a young age. She created her own world in her head and in her bedroom. The stars are still there to this day - they shine bright recreating constellations in a round embracing shape similar to the one you'd see on a telescope. When the lights are off, the stars are there.
she dragged her feet for many things, but one that made her run with pleasure was the thought of herself visiting the Moon and learning how to move accordingly in different gravity. Not forever... but to visit.
she built a lot throughout her life and one day she felt strong enough to engulf herself in her ultimate freedom - building her own little spaceship.
she worked tirelessly. Relentlessly. It was all she would do, from morning to night. As a finished product... it wasn't too shabby at all! Some glue overflowing here and there, the rockets badly connected to fuel... let's say it could be worse.
and off she went. She went away. Where no one could see her. Where she felt safe. Energised. Calm. Joyous. A bunch of good stuff... Just like her bedroom. Looking out for any intruders, she entered the little spaceship... she closed her eyes and she lit her match. It hit the right spot. BLAST OFF!
the trip was quite fast (she didn't really know what she was doing, but weirder things have happened and will happen). She quickly reached the moon. The spaceship was slowed down, and the engines reversed, but not enough. It fell at impact and rolled around... "how predictable," she thought with a smile. The rest of it is a secret (shhhhhh...) and her experience was for herself and herself only. No one helped put any pieces together. No one cared to believe she could do it. Maybe one day she'll talk about it.
after a short walk in a place of awe and wonder, she went back in for a snack and a much-needed time to process all of it. Wow!
suddenly, she felt the spaceship moving... yet she hadn't touched anything. She could see through the window made of cling film (an excellent option and available to all!) - the spaceship was being dragged back to earth. There was a huge translucid rope attached to the glue she let flow out... the sun was hiding behind the clouds when she started her adventure. That pull was stronger than anything she built. She didn't fear as much as she got furious. Then... with a big whiplash (ouch!) she was returned to the Pale Blue Dot.
"who is this, what's happening, what theeeeeee word I won't use because I don't want to be rude?!"
a faint voice in the background of the little piece of land she had reserved for herself whispered "I'm sorry..." - "What... how? Do you know how difficult this whole thing was?!," she asked in a scream - "I know, I know, but I couldn't help myself," replied the empty darkness "I am terribly sorry..." - "Ughhhhhhh, can you please... not then?!" - "Sure, sure... I will untie it right now" - "Well THANKS!" she replied with a very pronounced sarcastic tone.
and she saw the rope move out and slide away, this time visible with all the dust it gathered from the moon...
- she forgave the voice. She quickly focused on getting it right again. She didn't mind, as she knew she'd be going back and forth. In a weird way... it helped.
She learned to be more careful and it gave her a chance to check out the equipment and do better with some gear... off she went again. When she came back, the voice kindly asked, "Do you... forgive me?". She laughed. "Sure... shit happens now. Try to not be here and maybe in the sun, we'll meet one day.". - she forgave the voice. She quickly focused on getting it right again. She didn't mind, as she knew she'd be going back and forth. In a weird way... it helped.
She learned to be more careful and it gave her a chance to check out the equipment and do better with some gear... off she went again. When she came back, the voice kindly asked, "Do you... forgive me?". She laughed. "Sure... shit happens now. Try to not be here and maybe in the sun, we'll meet one day.".
she quickly got back in. To her surprise, she saw through one of the spaceship's cardboard compartments a big knot tucked away that had gone unnoticed and the same thing happened again...
she got frustrated but took it easy. She told the empty darkness, that wasn't without a thousand sorry's "CAN YOU MAKE SURE THIS IS COMPLETELY OFF OF HERE!?". Her voice was very loud. She felt embarrassed. She was not one to talk loud... "Sorry, please, move on, I'm so sorry..." - the voice was a sad one. She forgave...
this time she was stopped midway. She was losing her cool... For some unknown reason, there were a lot more ropes in different places!
she kept being pulled back, promised to be fixed and then yanked to the Pale Blue Dot.
she forgave. she forgave. she forgave. she forgave.
she was pulled. she was pulled. she was pulled. she was pulled.
the last attempt at flying back to the Moon, she was crying. She tried to make sure no rope was around but, as luck would have it, removing the last bit of rope had emptied the fuel tank. It went up about 1 meter and a half before falling on the dark small piece of land of hers... it was her last bit. She thought it would be enough for all those rounds she planned.
the voice was about to say something when she yelled "NO MORE!". "But... I thought that was all of-" - "SHUT UP! What is wrong with you?!" - "I don't know, I just never saw... anything like this... and I wanted to go too..." - "So you KNEW all along?!" - "Yeah but I know you... from the bedroom and the stars... I thought you'd understand and let me go along.".
The silence was as heavy as the tallest mountain. "... Do you... forgive me?".
_______________
no one can be that forgiving without forfeiting a piece of their brain - just enough to dumb them down and keep them... forgiving.
