these, over here

i thought this hole could/would not repeat itself and that it was exclusive to the loss in death. What a fool...

the echoes of your steps turned louder than a bomb going off 100000 steps away.

the default had been alone. But any intelligent and otherwise thinking being grows new ways. You strengthened - yes, there is a lot of strength in any new way: to appreciate the background noise, the inherent safety of being in the presence of, the shared laughter, adventures and misadventures, the easy complicity and kindness, and all the other millions of things that changed you into "this".

this cannot appreciate true eerie silence of the non-presence, this is confused by its own inability to clog up the hole with any old rag sitting around. This notices the slight constant buzz in the ears, never noticed it so loud before.

this is to say that this does not know. It doesn't have a clue let alone going about it like the so-called normal.

and this is scared, frightened and even cold on a boiling summer day. By its own existence, that you swore to yourself never to become.

may the dead sleep. may you sleep with them.

as you deep down know there is no going back. This is here to stay.

you and/or this -> me