melting...

feels enough of a sunday to enjoy it as if it was... right before heading for a place I don't care to go ("it'll go by fast, it'll go by fast..." I repeat to myself in a whisper)

i was scared by the sound of the fizzy drink next to me, such is the silence.

the sun is not too bright, but it has showed up to say Hi and stay around while my eyes feel heavier and heavier... the fresh bed sheets have winked their eyes at me and I've surrendered myself to the nothingness that life is supposed to be at times.

very special times, at that...

still in the subject of love... how nice is it to feel warm skin? I am surprised at how warm my skin is. Surprised at its colour, details and the sight of small veins that are keeping me alive and have been doing so for a long time...

i feel it's almost time to go for a while. a long little while. to get lost again and feel the warmth somewhere else - will it be better? will it be silence? will it make me cold?

i can already tell. I know how this maschine works - shaking hands and having the feeling of a burnt face, almost feverish but still very aware of how I trip up words, steps, gestures and breaths in the confusion of attraction, the fear and the wanting, the "oh no here I go" and always ending up jumping.

i'm not fooling myself anymore. I know I'll always jump. that's how it is. is it right? I don't know - is there a "right" even?! is it "rude"? probably. can I control it? I've tried with zero success and scattered bruises so I do not believe I should even try to.

you know those cliffs that are scary because they're too beautiful? YES! that's it - you get it.

if you were to close your eyes you would walk along it with confidence (the brain lets you know you have ground) but if you are to open you jump back. I like to spice that up a bit - having my eyes opened with my brain beeping emergency but not jumping back... staying around there until I inevitably let the weight of gravity and a swift wind change throw me down...

i'll land in a water so warm I never understand why I was ever fearful.

one day that cliff won't have any water or it will be to high.

but for now... I let it happen. how could I not? why would I not? there is too much to feel and a very short stay... and don't dare think of laziness as something you should avoid. quite the opposite

laziness brings awareness, it brings reality and momentum. it is needed as much as wanted. the break of the world with a window pointing at the sky.

there's nothing more.

just you and me. and nothing.