there's always nothing new about it

familiar feelings don't make them easier...

i barely keep myself alive through the day yet I want to do it all
i want to do it all, learn it all, run around, live forever!

- i also wouldn't mind dying... Oh, how joyful is the imagined perceived blessing of sleeping - the same sleep I don't remember having before being born

something human, true and worthy

i don't know
i never fucking know
every time I seem to grasp it
i wake up and lose it all

all over again, all over again, stuck on repeat. The endless loop of understanding the feelings and feeling the understandings - outside of my own meat body.

wake up way too early, get excited
anyhow, doesn't last for long enough to fulfil and distract.

i hate running but I can't stop the race
i want to stop but I keep awake

whenever there is something true I can't forget, I'll stick to it - painful, divisive, it irks me to the core, shakes me down to a blast and in a million pieces I fall again.