welly well well...
blank-
looking outside, biting my lip, dancing my legs around...
blank.
I was not prepared for that...
I was already used to many things that are a bit mind bending and a real fuckerie to deal with in the first place but... I was not prepared for that...
I am not prepared for this.
I'm not really looking at this screen at the moment, I'm just letting my eyelids fall on their weight and see the blurry mess that my situation has become.
Well...!
I don't see colours well anymore. I don't have much of a peripheral vision any longer as well...
it makes me uncomfortable. and I'm refraining myself from being rude...
because... mmm...
well... it is not everyday that I'm at a loss for words. nope. I usually have too much words around. from me, to me.
if I could already see that the near future has some rough shit to deal with, I was just added insult to injury.
I am a biiiiiiiiiit afraid. (I'm fucking dreading this shit).
I'm at a loss for words. thoughts. colours. visions...
am I literally losing it? Being that it is the essence.
i don't wanna talk about it...
LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAA
if I stay here just a little big longer
LA LA LA LAA LA
(accidentally remembered the song)
fuck me. now it's in my head. I don't wannaaaaaaa.... talk about itttttt....... shit
the fucking chords, the fucking synth in the back... (this stems from real bad past jobs where I had to listen to awful I'll-kill-myself-if-this-does-not-stop-now songs).
that's something to talk about!
almost everyday I wake up to the sound in my head - it's usually a song.
not a song I like of course - because that would be a good thing and myself and good things don't get along... haha : ]
it's always a fucking lame tune of a hit single from whoever that was - I know all the lyrics.
why have you forsaken me??...
LA LA LA LA
in your heart forsaken me
in your eyes forsaken me...
LA LA LA LA FUCK
it's one of those days any little note or phrase will remind me of a nauseating song.
so I talked about it. yes. they are in my head and I don't know who they are, where do they want to go in my brain but I just know them way too deeply...
so...
back to the loss of words...
I need to be underwater.
