timing
timing is all
more than actual time in itself and it's wholesome absolute value, timing is what drives us to go both mad or bad.
it can also deliver a sense of well being but timing is usually relayed upon for the worst of scenarios...
"wow! great timing!" - ever heard it without the sarcastic tone?
i seem to get it wrong all the time with timing
i'm never where i should/want/need to be at the right time
but i'm always there at the wrong time for things i don't really want nor need...
it's great that time provides me the change of elasticity - being, living, moving, acting.
... well i could have all the time in the world! i truly could! and yet, i would never be at the right place at the right time
i seem to have the most amazing ability to insert myself... well, not really - there's no intention it just fuckin' happens!
let's say that "chance" has the most amazing ability to insert ME in moments and places that i should avoid because i want something different
it's like... i must be the holy grail for all the "wrong place wrong time" bursts of innocent domination...
(i'll use this chance to clarify that the expression is wrong, a fallacy - the logic swipes it up to a "wrong place right time" + for bad things to happen... see?)
all the movements and the moments are deeply connected in a strange sort of panoramas that end up pilling themselves.
i do everything right - i must say i'm pretty lowkey when it comes to social interacting. i'm abruptly honest and i think i have good intentions, always. come to think about it, i never had someone i truly disliked and that disliked me. if i don't want you on my way, i just step aside, no need to frown...
yet, to that fragility that i keep showing because my core believes that i should really be this transparent - there's nothing to lose from being honest, right?
well, it seems not! it seems i should turn myself into a crazy mad young lady with a beam of steel across the heart.
because i give myself, no worries - i don't ask anything in return. except for the sole proposition of a clear dialogue and cleared ideas - specially when things are too foggy emotionally and i truly need to clear things out. i can't go off that rollercoaster until i know what's going on.
that's humane, that's reasonable.
but... timing!!
if it were in another place...
if i wasn't already...
if
if
if
if
fucking if's and should's and but's
i can imagine my life being at the right place at the right time for good things to happen.
and whoa! fuck me! my life would turn 180º - i can clearly see how much things would change.
but nop, timing has been relentless in keeping me away from what, who, when, where i'm happy about/with/in...
it's truly frustrating and one of those things i try to turn around everyday but all my efforts come to bite me in the ass quicker than i can say "fuck..."
so yeah... i know somewhere in a parallel universe i may have mastered timing.
or i should say, timing has mastered me ...
and the path would be clear, the fog would disappear and i would sing "i can see clearly now the rain is gone..."
for now?
up to no good - not on purpose, it's just that i can't be up to something good when timing fucks around with me like a puppet doll...
let's see how much i'll miss of possible opportunities for happiness and good times in the next month.
i could even count them one by one now that i think about it!
i already have a permanent list of "facepalms" of timing in my head - they're not pretty and they hurt
and even as i'm writing this now, my eyes just rolled just thinkin' about it...
maybe i should do everything i wouldn't normally do...
if i'm walking to the right i should stop and turn to the left even if i miss a big appointment
maybe i should say someone "fuck off" instead of "tell me more"
maybe i should go to sleep when the day starts and wake up as soon as night sets in
maybe i should chew liquids and drink solids
maybe i should wear skirts on my torso and t-shirts on my legs
maybe when i'm hungry i won't eat but when i'm ok i'll just binge
maybe i should walk backwards and that may cause the universe a hole for another dimension in which
timing will be always right. for the right place and the right time for the good things
