oh! Ohhh!... Wow

it took a while.

it took all my life, actually.
but today I was enlightened. A kind anonymous stranger figured me out. He/she diagnosed me.

i am a "hopeless romantic".

i figured the way I go about love and romantic feelings are VERY different from what I see around me, every-fucking-where.

i feel out of the loop, I feel tired, I feel strangely different. And I've always imagined that had something to do with my own feelings of sadness and despair...

but no.

"hopeless romantic".
that is it.

i cannot kiss anyone I am not in love with. And if I ever fall in love (rare thing) I can't even imagine myself with anyone else. Ever.

it's the most fucked up feeling to have on such a beautiful theme - love...

i can't kiss anyone. I won't kiss anyone.

i tried to figure myself out for the longest time... I tried. I really fucking tried.

but if your smile and your eyes are still on my mind, there is nothing I can do. Absolutely nothing. Zero, nada, niente.

"hopeless romantic".

.

.

.

.

i was explained the definition a little better than what I provide over here but I always imagined the expression referred to something "not real". For people who can kiss freely, fall in and out of love fast but who are always searching for something better. That is what I thought "hopeless romantic" truly was.

well... it is not. And I'm diagnosed.

i haven't forgotten your smile. Nor your broad shoulders. Nor those eyes who scream sex.

but that is OK. It is finally okay. Because now I understand I am not alone, that it isn't a disease or malfunction.

it is... the way I love.

for better or for worse (usually for worse).

and... that is ok. Strangely ok.

thank you, kind anonymous stranger who cared enough to blow my brains out with such amazement.

everything is strange - so everything turns out to be quite normal.

"hopeless romantic".

it all makes sense now.

i've always said I am not in sync with the way people get together these days... not just these days, since forever. 

the idea of dating has always been foreign to me. The idea of one night stands has always made me recoil in disgust.

the only right idea for me is love with sex and romance. At the same time. Always about one particular man.

well, fuck me... or not (in this case).

"hopeless romantic".

and I didn't even have to pay for such diagnostic. How amazing can this world actually be!?

fuck
fuck
fuck