flight of thought
it's not really about what we want...
it's about grasping and accepting the fact that we are humanly wanting things all the time.
***
the perpetuation of moments, repetition and obsession is a mere indication that I fear dying.
i keep the moments, the small things because i can be there, in that moment, for how long as i want me to be.
there is no future, there is no past - just the present in a still format
that must certainly be the reason why i have this duality over death.
i fear it, i want to grasp every single pleasurable life i can have,
i want it, i frequently decide there is no point in trying to avoid a certain fact - and with that comes self harming behaviour.
i can either be perpetuating moments or i can be without a single object at sight - just a wall.
i find myself either wanting immortality or the death that i fear will creep upon when i least want it (so i prefer it to happen now).
eternal continuous moments = no time = no decay
***
fuck i'm tired