bitter(not-sweet)

the stream comes along
it comes as always
- wrong thing at the right time
- right thing at the wrong time

.

never forever will I be able - 

fortunately finding my place - 

after being in the right place

at the exact time for something inherently good
.
I may slide around
space, infinity
all chances are endless
I'm so small..
but no chance ever seems to be
possibly,  simply
mine.

.

.

.

don't ask me to feel ever again

I'm closing it up,

sewing it tight

hiding it out

in your plain sight

.

don't feel - it hurts

once I imagined

it was only in my head

it's not - it's out there

I shall never show it

I shall never carry it

the empathy, the smiles, the fucking understanding

of being another

of creating a wave

crashing onto my chest

now made into stone

.

with a beautiful dress

because disguise is never enough

nor the coldness inside

it keeps me from frowning 

asking questions

stuff I should've never learnt do to

in the first place...

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

mine to be, mine to feel.

not anger - don't get me wrong

reality is,

I can't get mad anymore

.

nevertheless not changing

the ever present paradigm

the sad fortune

the bitter taste

the kick in the teeth,

always and forever

• in the wrong place at the right time
• or in the right place at the wrong time...